It’s been quite some time since I posted anything here; I suppose I’ve been feeling unmotivated and didn’t have anything in particular that I wanted to write about or share with anyone during these last 6 months. As with any other period, there have been ups and downs, but the word I would use to characterize my recent feelings during this time is “scattered.”
Lately I feel unmotivated, while at the same time being motivated to do too many things. Perhaps unfocused motivation is the cause of my lack of motivation due to the impossibility of doing everything I want to do in life. It has always been hard for me to focus on one thing consistently and over a long period of time, but recently it’s become even more difficult. Every week I attend 2-3 different language exchange meetup groups, see friends or acquaintances around 5-6 days per week, go to church, and also try to pursue my numerous other interests such as learning various languages (which I can’t decide between), crocheting, exercising, practicing chess, practicing ocarina, taking photos/videos, etc.
A few people have expressed some kind of envy that I have the energy to do all these things. But I think I actually don’t have the energy for all that, and spreading myself too thin in this way actually results in me accomplishing none of the things I really want to accomplish. I feel like I always want to be doing something, learning something, or talking to someone – anything to avoid being alone with myself and doing nothing (i.e. relaxing). This seems to be something that is common among many people these days, or at least I assume that to be the case considering that literally 100% of people on public transport that I see are usually staring at their phones. Even on the street many people don’t even look up while crossing the street because they’re so engrossed with whatever is on their phone screen. I don’t mean this as a judgment of them, as I also often fall victim to an addiction to distraction.
I find this phenomenon of constant distraction to be partially due to capitalism and the global obsession with profit, productivity, and economic growth. If you’re not out there hustling to make money, trying to become internet famous, or reading piles of books to optimize your career, people act like you’re wasting your life. If people are satisfied with life as it is, there is no incentive for them to change anything, and therefore will not spend their money to buy new stuff, or focus their attention on whatever site or app was developed for the ultimate purpose of jamming ads down their throats. The result is that we are constantly being manipulated by those who want our money.
‘We all come to the end of our lives as naked and empty-handed as on the day we were born. We can’t take our riches with us. And this, too, is a very serious problem. People leave this world no better off than when they came. All their hard work is for nothing—like working for the wind. Throughout their lives, they live under a cloud—frustrated, discouraged, and angry.’
Ecclesiastes 5:15-17
If social media apps were not designed to be extremely addictive and easy to waste time on, they would make way less money from ads – if something is free, then you are the product. If dating apps are too efficient at helping people find a relationship, they would be losing customers and ad consumers left and right. If we all felt satisfied with our natural appearance, we would have much less incentive to go out and spend money on gym memberships or cosmetics. I can’t tell you how many times I have been triggered by seeing a camera advertisement and went down the rabbit hole of researching new cameras. The common denominator behind all these things is that spending and ad interaction are stimulated by convincing us that we are not good enough, or that we are lacking something.
We have more stuff and can afford more stuff than any other time in history, have access to most of the world’s people and most recorded information through the internet, can travel anywhere easily and quickly, and can access endless numbers of games, videos, books, or other distractions without even leaving our homes. Talk about convenience, right? Contrary to expectation, mental health trends show that suicide rates have been increasing, mental health among young people is basically the worst it has been in human history, and mental health is getting worse with every generation. I will not claim there to be a definite causal relationship between consumerism, excessive social media / internet use, and mental health, but it makes sense and there is plenty of research out there to back up that idea.
Life is more convenient than ever and we can do almost everything using our phone or computer in a short time, but how are we using all our extra time? Assuming someone has the luxury of a reasonable work-life balance, I guess most people fill their extra time with a bunch of random other stuff they don’t really care much about just to avoid sitting around and doing nothing, which makes me question what the point is of the efficiency to begin with. If I take photos using a film camera, drop off the film, and go back to pick it up, it takes time away from doing other things. It would be much easier to use a digital camera, and even easier yet to use a smartphone. With a smartphone maybe you can take a photo and upload it on social media or send it to someone in a matter of seconds, but what’s the point of so much efficiency? Are the other things I do with that time really so important? If not, then it’s better to just spend more time on what I like. If photography is important to me, why would I not be willing to spend more time on it?
If I could build a machine to crochet things for me, would there even be a point of crocheting? At that point I could just buy the finished product from someone else. I have found that the inconvenience of doing something myself, or spending time on it, is what makes something feel meaningful and fulfilling. It turns out fulfillment doesn’t come from packing my day with as many hobbies and activities as I can, but by focusing on the ones I really care about.
It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry – The Little Prince
We all need to make decisions – we can’t have it all. You can’t pursue every fleeting interest without sacrificing time you could spend on the more important things. You can’t have a deep and meaningful romantic relationship if you want to always keep your options open. You can’t accept every invitation to socialize without also sacrificing your time to socialize with others, relax, or do other things. At the end of the day, choices need to be made, and you’re the only one who can make them.
It’s time for you to look inward, and begin asking yourself the big questions. Who are you and what do you want?
Iroh – Avatar: the Last Airbender
If you’d like to see some random stuff I crocheted in the last few weeks, photos can be found in Arts and Crafts.
Austin Bai 