Satisfaction

Humans are not meant to feel (much) satisfaction. If we were, then there would be no drive to continue eating, having sex, or improving our lives, which would result in the end of our species – this is a matter of biology. Yet, it seems that we are always being fed the narrative that happiness and contentment are just around the corner. If you buy this thing, find the perfect partner, or make enough money, you will have won the game of life and will finally be happy. In reality, when we reach a state of satisfaction, it is usually followed by a state of boredom and then a search for something new.

It is obvious that this is a problem in our way of thinking and the way our societies have developed. If we aren’t reminded of our dissatisfaction, we would be much less inclined to buy things and support our capitalist economic system. Consequently, we have been bombarded with this narrative since birth.

What disturbs and depresses young people is the hunt for happiness on the firm assumption that it must be met with in life. From this arises constantly deluded hope and so also dissatisfaction. Deceptive images of a vague happiness hover before us in our dreams, and we search in vain for their original. Much would have been gained if, through timely advice and instruction, young people could have had eradicated from their minds the erroneous notion that the world has a great deal to offer them.

Arthur Schopenhauer

There is nothing we can do to change our innate needs/desires for social belonging, sex, food, and comfort, but we are able to control or modify our relationship with and responses to our thoughts, if we put in the effort to practice. The reality, though, is that few of us are able to ward off the endless distractions in this modern world and pay attention to our minds, myself included. Although I am well aware that probably the number one thing I could do for my wellbeing is literally doing nothing, it’s quite difficult to make myself do it when I could just exercise, look for things to do, make plans, distract myself online, read a book, etc.

Sitting and doing nothing is important because it allows everything to settle down in our minds, and allows our subconscious mind to start sorting through and making sense of everything we have experienced. It is also the time that we can actually pay attention to what we are thinking. Thoughts occur randomly and are not a choice, but we often mindlessly accept them as true and let them control us. If we make time to pay attention to our thoughts, we may realize how stupid they are and loosen the grip they have on us.

A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.

James Allen

Choosing to always be distracted is basically choosing to constantly fill our minds with new stimuli and, consequently, absorb whatever implicit narratives may be embedded in those stimuli or information. In Garbage, I shared a bit about how a few months ago I found myself in an uncomfortable mental state as a result of spending too much time online watching stupid videos, and found myself having difficulty organizing my thoughts because of the amount of useless information and bullshit narratives I was absorbing every day. It is important to pay close attention to what we allow into our minds.

I assume most of us have some kind of ideal about the type of person we would like to be or become, but many of us are not doing all that we can to pursue that goal, in particular with regard to the narratives we passively let into our minds. If I want to be a more kind and compassionate person, why watch or listen to things that plants seeds of hate and division? If I have goals of building a dedicated relationship, why consume media that encourages and glorifies promiscuity? If I want to feel mentally at peace, why am I stirring up my mind by constantly pumping stuff into it?

Almost everything has some kind of narrative associated with it, and these narratives affect our way of seeing those things, and subsequently affect whatever ideas we have related to those things. These narratives are usually personal and subjective, based in part on our life experiences and in part on our inculturation. If I watch a video of someone driving a fancy car, it may trigger mental narratives involving consumerism, desire, wealth, inequality, attractiveness, sex appeal, sports, or any number of things that could possibly be associated with that. The result is that this video is ‘watering the seeds of those narratives’ in some sense and making them more prevalent in my mind. Likewise, seeing other peoples’ idealized physical appearances or portrayals of life online may water seeds of jealousy, desire, feeling not good enough, judgment, irritation, dislike, condescension, etc.

I find that the more I’m exposed to things online, the less satisfied I feel in general because a lot of these things have some kind of consumerist-driven narrative associated with them. The more I watch videos or see things related to photography online, the more likely I am to develop a sense of dissatisfaction with my current cameras and lenses, or want to buy more. When using online dating apps, there is seemingly an unlimited number of potential people to meet, making it difficult to just stop and focus on getting to know one, encouraging continued use. When I go to a bookstore and browse all the new and exciting books, I often end up buying one, ignoring the fact that I have a pile of unread books at home that I was equally excited about when I bought them. Seeing all the things we could possibly have naturally creates a sense of desire for that and dissatisfaction with what we already have, unless we are especially vigilant and pay close attention to our thoughts. I find it easier to control my input to avoid so much dissatisfaction to begin with.

As usual, I didn’t plan what I was going to write in this post and just went along with the flow of my thoughts, but now I’m not exactly sure how to end it. I guess all I can think to say now is that I suspect the best way to be more satisfied is to discard the idea that some state of pure satisfaction is attainable – as long as we cling to that ideal, it will make our dissatisfaction even worse because that type of satisfaction is not in our nature and creates an unrealistic point of comparison. I’m not saying it’s impossible to find some sense of satisfaction, but I feel that modern life and the internet in particular have been adding fuel to the fire of dissatisfaction that has already been burning for all of human history. Intentionality and self-control are now needed more than ever, but are much harder to cultivate than ever before.

It is difficult to find happiness within oneself, but it is impossible to find it anywhere else.

Arthur Schopenhauer